Chet Cannon

Do you have someone who, just because you were kind to them once, thinks you’re their best friend? Months ago, my roommates had a gathering at our apartment and many people showed up. There was, however, one girl who didn’t seem to engage in conversation as much as the other kids. She was hovering over the “munchies” table, pounding down cookies. Seriously, I mean, she was double fisting snacks, like the greedy kid who is so worried he/she won’t get their fill. Hate those kids. To be nice, I introduced myself, and hell, If I would have known that a simple hello would equate to an hour+ of me, pretending I even care this girl is still alive, I would have just slapped the cookies away from her face and went to bed. Let’s fast forward 3 months to the get together the other night. I walk in, trying to scope the scene, and wouldn’t you know, lonely girl is there and B lines it for me. Within minutes she’s talking about her favorite grocery store (Whole Foods). Okay? Why would I want to talk about fresh produce? So, I tell her I’m partial to Trader Joe’s (simply to kill the convo) and this freak goes off about the quality of Whole Foods’ Baked Ziti. Baked effing Ziti….Really? Bottom line, hindsight is 20/20. For the future, when you see Queen Lonely Hearts at the “munchies” table, turn on your Helen Keller, and pretend she isn’t there.