Some people are the antonym of conversationalist. When you find yourself in the room with such a person, the encounter is both disturbing and unsettling.
Really? I’m in better shape than YOU.
August 19, 2010 By Leave a Comment
“Your form is all wrong.”
“Excuse me?”
“You”re form….it’s off and will preclude optimal muscle growth.”
Gross. Don’t you hate that? You’re sitting at the gym and instead of the “random” working on his own body, he decides to be your uninvited, fitness mentor. And the worst is, his ass isn’t even in good shape. It’s a timeless tale. The people in the worst shape, seem to know the ins and outs to fitness. This begs the question, why then, are they out of shape? Because they’re too damn lazy to implement the teachings into their own lives. Believe me, it’s a whole lot easier to tell someone what they’re doing wrong than to actually make an effort to burn of that super sized meal and diet coke.
Seriously, shut up.
August 18, 2010 By 1 Comment
Do you have someone who, just because you were kind to them once, thinks you’re their best friend? Months ago, my roommates had a gathering at our apartment and many people showed up. There was, however, one girl who didn’t seem to engage in conversation as much as the other kids. She was hovering over the “munchies” table, pounding down cookies. Seriously, I mean, she was double fisting snacks, like the greedy kid who is so worried he/she won’t get their fill. Hate those kids. To be nice, I introduced myself, and hell, If I would have known that a simple hello would equate to an hour+ of me, pretending I even care this girl is still alive, I would have just slapped the cookies away from her face and went to bed. Let’s fast forward 3 months to the get together the other night. I walk in, trying to scope the scene, and wouldn’t you know, lonely girl is there and B lines it for me. Within minutes she’s talking about her favorite grocery store (Whole Foods). Okay? Why would I want to talk about fresh produce? So, I tell her I’m partial to Trader Joe’s (simply to kill the convo) and this freak goes off about the quality of Whole Foods’ Baked Ziti. Baked effing Ziti….Really? Bottom line, hindsight is 20/20. For the future, when you see Queen Lonely Hearts at the “munchies” table, turn on your Helen Keller, and pretend she isn’t there.
HAGS: Whore Of An Acronym
August 16, 2010 By Leave a Comment
Yearbook day….we were all there…and what a day it was! Remember walking around with that book and finally mustering up the courage to ask that special someone for a signature? You exchange books and begin to write as if you hadn’t planned the message out (word-for-word), 3 days in advance. 2 seconds later, she/he finishes and you haven’t even gotten to the “meat” of your message. You finish prematurely, exchange books again…and race to find their entry….only to find that loathsome, whore of an acronym, HAGS (Have A Good Summer). Salt in the wound. A kick when down. You got PWNED, biatch!
If you haven’t acted in anything, are you really an actor?
August 15, 2010 By Leave a Comment
Have you been to LA? Does this sound familiar….?
“What brings you to LA?”
“I’m an actor.”
“Hmm…okay. Next question…what have you acted in?”
“Well, nothing yet….”
This begs the question, if you haven’t done something, can you really claim that as your profession? If so, well hell, I am a Chef, Pediatric Gynecologist, Book Binder, Maid…. Bottom line is, you’re not an actor. I’m not saying you won’t be one day, so go for it. Best of luck. I’m just saying the whole “I’m an actor that hasn’t ever acted” claim, is a fallacy.
