You know what I hate more than…just about anything? Seeing Jon Gosselin’s face plastered all over the magazines.  Why?  Because I have to buy each one!  Zach Morris (Saved By The Bell) doesn’t hold a candle to the charm that this man so effortlessly possesses.  In the dictionary, under “Badass M Effer,” you will find a picture of Jon Gosselin’s genitalia….which is also adorned with Ed Hardy

This Just in! If you have been unlucky in love due to an unfavorable gene pool, there is still hope! The trick is nothing more than “Visual Hypno-Confusion.” The creator….Jon Gosselin.
-First, rid yourself of what you thought were “cool clothes” and go out and buy as much Ed Hardy as humanly possible…Don’t even think about skipping over the sequined items either!
-Second, wear as many of your recent purchases as possible. No fewer than 3 Ed Hardy Shirts and pants should be visible.
-Third, Spike your hair with approximately 3 oz of Spiker hair glue
-Last, Put on your favorite Cubic Zirconia earring

The trick, as Jon Gosselin has so masterfully demonstrated is again, “Visual Hypno-Confusion.” People don’t see you for the piece of sh*t you really are, but for a man of excellence who runs out on his wife and kids because of new found fame and attention that you, up until this point, never received…..not even from your mother. I dare someone to get past three layers of impenetrable Ed Hardy fabrics and sequins (don’t forget the sequins). Sound appealing? Does a one-legged duck swim in circles? I know I’m in!