Family Guy wasn’t lying…Sarah Jessica Parker really does have a face like a foot. My brother and I are sitting here, watching Sex and The City (The Movie) and honestly…her face is ,for lack of a better word, distracting….Much too witchy for my taste. Remember Hocus Pocus? Yeah…her face was almost too cliche for the role…Wart on the chin…crooked nose…lack of skeletal symmetry in her facial structure…I was lucky enough to snap this photo (above) while Jessica was on set for Sex and The City 2. As you can tell by her beady eyes, she wasn’t too happy.
Sarah Jessica Parker…Foot Face
August 30, 2009 By 5 Comments
Lady Elaine…How dare you exist!
August 29, 2009 By 3 Comments
What are you and why have you come to ravage the souls of children of all ages? Only from the depths of hell could your frost bitten face have been spawned. Why are you so frost bitten? Haven’t you an explanation? You’re voice is skillfully unpleasant. Far too long have we been subject to the clutches of evil that is YOU. The damage has been done….Our memories stained with with that face that not even a Tim Burton nightmare having sex with R.L. Stine could conceive. You deserve to be tarred and feathered every hour, on the hour. Flee from our presence Lady Elaine.
Jon Gosselin…International Hero!!!
August 28, 2009 By 4 Comments
You know what I hate more than…just about anything? Seeing Jon Gosselin’s face plastered all over the magazines. Why? Because I have to buy each one! Zach Morris (Saved By The Bell) doesn’t hold a candle to the charm that this man so effortlessly possesses. In the dictionary, under “Badass M Effer,” you will find a picture of Jon Gosselin’s genitalia….which is also adorned with Ed Hardy
This Just in! If you have been unlucky in love due to an unfavorable gene pool, there is still hope! The trick is nothing more than “Visual Hypno-Confusion.” The creator….Jon Gosselin.
-First, rid yourself of what you thought were “cool clothes” and go out and buy as much Ed Hardy as humanly possible…Don’t even think about skipping over the sequined items either!
-Second, wear as many of your recent purchases as possible. No fewer than 3 Ed Hardy Shirts and pants should be visible.
-Third, Spike your hair with approximately 3 oz of Spiker hair glue
-Last, Put on your favorite Cubic Zirconia earring
The trick, as Jon Gosselin has so masterfully demonstrated is again, “Visual Hypno-Confusion.” People don’t see you for the piece of sh*t you really are, but for a man of excellence who runs out on his wife and kids because of new found fame and attention that you, up until this point, never received…..not even from your mother. I dare someone to get past three layers of impenetrable Ed Hardy fabrics and sequins (don’t forget the sequins). Sound appealing? Does a one-legged duck swim in circles? I know I’m in!